Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Release Blitz: Sweet Obsession By J. Daniels




***Author’s note*** Sweet Obsession can be read as a standalone novel.

Everyone knows Brooke Wicks loves to have a good time. She’s not interested in getting serious, settling down, or limiting herself to one man. So when she meets the sexy, irresistible Mason King, she sees another opportunity to let loose and go wild. But the gorgeous Aussie isn’t interested in just a quick fling with Brooke, and if she wants to get into his bed, she’s going to have to do it on his terms.

Loving fast and hard has always been Mason’s philosophy. He doesn’t want a meaningless connection, he wants it all, and he wants it with Brooke. When she makes her one desire known—to hit it and quit it—Mason wages a plan to ensure Brooke keeps coming back for more. Or so he hopes.

Getting her attention was the easy part. Keeping it might be damn near impossible.

Sweet Obsession is where the Sweet Addiction series meets the Alabama Summer series.


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AMAZON TO BE ADDED


Also Available

SWEET ADDICTION SERIES


AMAZON US / UK


AMAZON US / UK


 ALABAMA SUMMER SERIES


AMAZON US / UK


AMAZON US / UK


AMAZON US / UK


AMAZON US / UK

Author Bio

J. Daniels is the NY Times and USA Today bestselling author of the Sweet Addiction series, and the Alabama Summer series. She loves curling up with a good book, drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee, and writing stories her children will never read. J grew up in Baltimore and resides in Maryland with her family.
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Monday, July 6, 2015

Blog Tour: Bang Switch By Lani Lynn Vale






Lachlan Downy was a lover, not a fighter.

Okay, he wouldn't lie, he was a fighter, too. But nobody had to know that. Especially not Memphis Tennessee Conner and her stuffy attitude when it came to cops and ‘men like him.’

Memphis knew cops. Her daddy was a cop. He was also the president of a motorcycle club. Needless to say, he’s about as alpha as they come, and she’s tired of overbearing men who think they know how to run her life better than she does.

So when Downy comes into her life running his smooth talking mouth, she realizes that she’ll have to stand strong against his pretty words and promises to give her what she needs.

Downy is determined, though.

He’s the hostage negotiator for KPD SWAT, and he’s never met a person, man or woman, he couldn't talk around into his way of thinking.

Although, Memphis is about to show him just how much he miscalculated.

Seems Downy may not be as smooth as he thought, and Memphis is just the girl to show him the error of his ways.
Bang Switch starts off with a bang literally and doesn’t stop the explosions until the very end.  I have come to love this author’s work so much that I just know that if I have been in a book funk that when I see one of her arcs on my kindle that my funk will be over with just the first beginning words.  Bang Switch was no exception.  I love these sexy alpha S.W.A.T. guys and each one gets better and better with each book. 

Downy and Memphis have chemistry from the first time he knocks her on her ass.  Memphis knows alpha protective men, her daddy is the President of a MC as well as a cop himself and she doesn’t want any of the headaches that come with a bossy alpha protective asshole male.  Especially one who keeps her awake banging his flavor of the week so hard that walls come crashing down.  Take a moment to reread that last part, it’s okay I will wait.  Did you read it?  Let me just say while it may or may not be Downy who causes said wall crashing, I would once like to be taken that hard that we cause structural destruction.  TMI? Yeah sorry but trust me you will laugh once you not just read that scene but everything that happens before and afterwards. 

Unfortunately for Downy stubborn strong willed females are nothing new to him, just take a look at his partner, she doesn’t like to listen either.  Oh did I forget to mention he is also the K9 officer and his partner is a dog?  Whoops well now you know and knowing is half the battle, GO JOE!  Yes I channeled my G.I. Joe references for that one.  Of course he does the typical alpha male asshole move and does something to not just piss Memphis off but could cost her being in his life cause man, big mistake, huge (said in my best Pretty Woman impersonation). You will have to see if his negotiator skills will work on this stubborn female, and let me warn you, you are in for a wild ride that Lani Lynn Vale is known for.

Okay all cartoon and movie references aside, Bang Switch continues to prove to me why Lani Lynn Vale will continue to be a go to author for me; not just for now but in the unforeseeable future as well.  If you are looking for a book that is so funny you will have tears from laughing, an  alpha male trying to tame a sassy stubborn female (both human and canine), a little suspense, a lot of action (both in and out of the bedroom) then add Bang Switch to you must read now lists.  









Just thinking about today and how I’d had to reschedule with the contractor was only one such instance when having predictable hours would’ve been more convenient.

Our shoulders bumped as we both stepped over a crack in the uneven walkway, causing her to look at me, and me to look at her.

“Sorry,” I muttered, trying as inconspicuously as I could to move my dick into a better position.

It was getting hard to walk with a semi-stiffy. Especially since I’d been fighting a losing battle with it all day long. I needed a good lay, and by the vibes pouring off of Memphis, I wouldn’t be getting it from her.

Not yet, anyway.

“Shouldn’t your dog be on a leash or something?” She asked suddenly.

I turned around to look for Mocha and laughed when she was nearly fifty yards back from where we were.

“Yes, probably. But she doesn’t like leashes,” I explained.

I could tell she rolled her eyes even though I couldn’t see her face.

“And your dog gets what she wants?” Memphis asked in surprise.

I nodded. “What my girl wants, my girl gets.”

I could practically see her mind whirling as something sat at the tip of her tongue, only waiting to be released.

She wanted to say something, but I could tell she didn’t want to say it. She lost the battle, though. Curiosity winning out over propriety.

“So what about your woman…does she gets what she wants?” Memphis asked suddenly.

I turned to look down at her, studying her facial features before saying, “My woman would get what she needs.”

She looked horrified, and I had to physically stop myself from smiling. She probably wouldn’t find her discomfort as funny as I did.

She looked discombobulated as she said, “I cannot believe you just said that!”

I snorted. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“What about what she wants?” Memphis exclaimed.

I did lose my battle with laughter at her offended tone.

She crossed her arms, refusing to say anything more.

We turned around and walked the half-mile back to the apartment complex in silence. I could practically feel her anger simmering

Peter was now walking between us, I’m sure put there by an angered Memphis.

Mocha was now in front of us, her eyes scanning our surroundings as she moved.

I held the door open to the apartment complex once we arrived, and she walked inside, not offering me a thank you.

I smiled as she disappeared up the barely lit stairs. I followed closely behind her, making sure she felt me at her back, causing her to move all the faster.

When she came to a stop in the hallway, I reached into my pocket and withdrew the money from earlier.

Leaning in close, I slid my hand around her hip, moving it until my fingers were at the top of her ass so I could put the tip into her back pocket.

Making sure she felt the movement, I pressed my hard body into hers, pressing her against the wall beside her door.

“Here’s your tip,” I said, wiggling the money in her jeans before taking a step away from her.

It was hard. Both the actual act of moving and the state of my dick.

Her eyes were hooded, and I knew I had her. Not all the way…not yet. But I would. Soon.

“Goodnight, Memphis,” I said against the side of her head. My breath rustling her hair.

Then, turning my back to her, I walked slowly away.

When I had the door unlocked once again, I turned back to see her walking woodenly into her apartment.

Right when she got to where she was closing the door, I called her name, “Memphis!”

She stopped and opened the door slightly, poking her head out of the opening to look at me.

“When you’re ready to get what you need, and not what you think you want, come see me,” I said before closing the door to my own apartment.

“Wow, that was deep,” Miller said from the couch.

I flipped him off and walked away, not bothering to conceal the steep rod tenting up the front of my tactical pants.

Apparently, they needed to make a new weapon holder to keep my dick in check.

I had a feeling I’d be needing it for the next couple of weeks before I could convince her to give me a try.






I’m a married mother of three. My kids are all under 5, so I can assure you that they are a handful. I’ve been with my paramedic husband now for ten years, and we’ve produced three offspring that are nothing like us. I live in the greatest state in the world, Texas.




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Thursday, May 21, 2015

Review: Pucked By Helena Hunting

With a famous NHL player for a step-brother, Violet Hall is well acquainted with the playboy reputation many hockey stars come with. She’s smart enough to steer clear of those hot, well-built boys with unparalleled stamina. That is until she meets the legendary team captain—Alex Waters.

Violet isn’t interested in his pretty, beat-up face, or his rock-hard six-pack abs. But when Alex inadvertently obliterates Violet’s previous misapprehension regarding the inferior intellect of hockey players, he becomes more than just a hot body with a face to match.

In what can only be considered a complete lapse in judgment, Violet finds out just how good Alex is with the hockey stick in his pants. But what starts out as a one-night stand, quickly turns into something more. Post-night of orgasmic magic, Alex starts to call, and text, and e-mail and send extravagant—and quirky—gifts, making him difficult to ignore, and even more difficult not to like.

The problem is, the media portrays Alex as a total player, and Violet doesn’t want to be part of the game.
I never like to compare one author to another, because sometimes I worry that they may not like that happening to them or because sadly some people will take things out of context and start trouble.  But this time, I have to compare Helena Hunting to Tara Sivec and I promise it is in a great way.  If you are a fan of Tara Sivec and love her outrageous and sometimes inappropriate humor then you will love Pucked by Helena Hunting in my opinion.  I haven’t laughed that hard, waking up my husband while he was sleeping, since my last Tara Sivec book.  I couldn’t breathe at times I was laughing that hard, I constantly had tears in my eyes, good ones of course, and I think I still giggle inappropriately if I see or hear the word beaver.  If anyone is reading this in Michigan and know what exit 69 on I-75 is named you will appreciate my snorting anytime I see it.

If you have a stick up your ass or think that people joking about beavers and monster cocks is inappropriate or not funny then Pucked isn’t for you.  If you can’t find humor in sending gift cards to ones boobs, then Pucked isn’t for you.  If you just can’t let go and laugh, because let’s be honest here people this book is one of the funniest books I have EVER read, then Pucked probably isn’t for you.  However, if you are like me and giggle at things that are completely inappropriate and have no shame doing so then Pucked is for you.  If you are not easily offended and have a sense of humor then Pucked is for you.  If you are wondering what all these beaver comments are about then check out Pucked and be prepared to laugh your ass off for days later when someone mentions beavers.


Helena Hunting I can’t wait to see what else you have planned for us readers who can appreciate one’s beaver and can quickly figure out what jilling off means.  I hope that comparing you to one of my other favorite authors was taken as the compliment it was intended because you ma’am are right up there with the master of inappropriate.  

Monday, February 16, 2015

Blog Tour: Tryst By Arie Lane



***WARNING*** This book is intended for 18+ due to strong language, violent scenarios, and sexual content.

Bentley Celeste is a witty, foul mouthed, reclusive, dark romance writer. She lives her life in solitude, hiding from her painful past and the one person hell bent on destroying her future. She doesn't have time for relationships and has no interest in allowing anyone but her best friend into her private little sanctuary. Tristan Reece is sultry, sexy, and jaded. He also happens to be the cover model for Bentley's long time acquaintance, Electra. He believes everyone who he loves is going to betray him, and then walk away. Though he carries the reputation of a ladies man, Tristan prefers to keep his heart and his bed empty. A chance meeting blind sides Bentley as she's nearly trampled by the giant wall of muscle that is Tristan. Tempers aren't the only thing to fly. Bentley may not have any interest in Tristan, but after getting his ass handed to him through a verbal assault, he can't forget the tiny Spitfire that sparks more than just his fury. Both are stubborn, with the will to fight against each other until the very end. Will Tristan's determination be enough to fight the demons lingering in Bentley's shadow? Or is Bentley's fear strong enough to tear them apart.

Let me first say that I thought I could get creative when I would be swearing and ranting, but nothing can top some of the shit that Bentley says had me spitting out my drink or about pissing myself laughing.  I bow down to the queen of the put downs.

Tryst is not what I thought it would be when I started to read it and yes I did read the blurb obviously.  It is actually darker than I originally thought and the way that we are left hanging at the end made me throw my kindle in frustration.  Yes it is a cliff hanger, I am warning you about it because by the time you reach the end you don’t want it to end.  This isn’t an easy story to read at times, it is painful and heart wrenching when you learn about Bentley’s past and what she has survived.  Tristian, or Tryst, is a cover model and while he has this reputation as a man whore he is anything but.  He sees something in Bentley that has him risking his balls and the ability to have children in the future just to spend some time with her.  I loved how he didn’t back down from her even when most men would have had their balls shrivel from being verbally castrated.


I hope that the next book is released soon because I want more of Bentley and Tristian, not only for her creative verbal assaults but because her story is one that has been filled with so much pain that I hope she finally finds some peace and happiness.  




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Excerpt

I’m pacing the living room when I hear a car engine cut. Throwing the door open, I don’t even
bother putting on a shirt or shoes. I open her car door before she even has a chance to unbuckle her seat belt.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Dante is going fucking nuts. Did it even occur to you that someone might actually be worried about your ass? Answer your fucking phone once in a while.”

She gets out of the car, shuts the door, and turns to me to speak. Before she can hand me some half assed explanation, I have her up against the car, crushing her lips against mine. I had planned to be sweet about it but that shit went out the door with my impulse. I need to feel her, to taste her. I want to leave her breathless and unable to stand.

I slide my tongue between her lips, invading her mouth, and the taste of cinnamon tingling my tongue as I brush it back and forth against hers. I push into her even further digging my hands into her ass, pulling her up until she wraps her legs around my hips. I am at war with her mouth, needing to possess and dominate it as she fights back for control. I suck on her tongue each time she pushes back into my mouth, biting lightly on her bottom lip, and swallowing each small moan.

When I pull back to catch my breath, I am lost in the image before me. Her lips are swollen from my assault, her breathing heavy and erratic, and her eyes half lidded.

My dick is saluting her as it pushes up against her core. Before I can claim her lips again, a very loud and pissed off Dante interrupts us. As I set her back down, brushing my lips against her neck, I whisper a warning against her skin. “We’re not done princess. Just because your little queen interrupted, doesn’t mean I’m finished with you, not even close. And if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I’ll tie you to my fucking bed and spank that ass until you can’t walk. You understand me, Bentley, don’t pull that shit again.” Her eyes grow wide as she processes what I had just said. Biting her lip she nods in concession.

I watch, in reckless abandonment, the train wreck that unfolds in front of me as Dante throws a hissy fit that would put a three year old to shame. I can tell by the way Bentley keeps opening and closing her fists that this isn’t going to be pretty, and I am more than happy that for once I am not her target. I damn near choke on my own spit when the words fly from her mouth. “Look here pecker pilferer, just because you decide to be a fickle twat doesn’t mean I’m going to up and rearrange my agenda. Don’t stand here bitching at me about your panties all up in a twist while you’re douche-canoeing the seven seas. You fucked up, not me. I’m not the one who got all flustered over a fuck nut and decided to verbally vomit all of my best friend’s secrets. You had no fucking right, so do not stand here acting as if I somehow did you wrong. You can go suck on a big fat donkey dong if you think I’m about to apologize to you. Keep that shit up and I’ll bitch slap the glitter right out of your fairy princess ass.”

I have to wonder where the fuck she comes up with this shit. I can’t say I’ve ever heard half the shit she’s just called him, although even that last bit has me laughing. Only because Dante is the least fairy looking dude I’ve ever seen. The notion of him as a fairy princess ranks up there with seeing The Rock in a tutu… it just isn’t right.

I vaguely catch on to the sad attempt for an apology he feeds Bentley, and I busy myself by snatching her keys and grabbing her bag out of the car. It’s a shitty move leaving Dante to dig himself out of the hole he’s digging even deeper, but I have plans that I’d rather not waste trivial time getting to.


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About the Author


Arie Lane is an avid reader and stay at home mom to two beautiful little boys. When not writing or chasing them around she is usually catching up with other Indie authors and constantly keeping up with new blogs.
She loves to connect with people and is proud that she finally had the courage to put some of her crazy thoughts into written words. From the time she started reading her nose was always stuck in a book and she's couldn't be happier that now she's encouraging others to get their noses stuck also. Even if her readers are of the +18 variety.


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